Drowning in the Scroll

The Weight of Comparison on Instagram

Hello Friends

Happy Friday!

I’ve got Philippa Jeffrey’s incredible kitchen on my mind as Kay and I plan our workshop, which will be held here (well in Philippa’s jaw dropping new studio) in March. There’s a link at the bottom to sign-up for updates. Image by me © Ryland Peters & Small, taken from our book, A Home for All Seasons.

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So I’m back this week talking about Instagram again. I know, I know, you’re probably like, ‘get over it already’! It just seems, that even with my best efforts to distance myself from the app— it’s still taking up way too much headspace!

Despite limiting myself to just 30 minutes of scroll time on Insta a day, every time I go on, I come off feeling deeply overwhelmed.

There are two things for me, which right now make Instagram too much: the way Instagram pushes us from casual browsing into a cycle of relentless comparison, and the noise of the echo chamber. Both leave me feeling wildly out of control— with a sense of; ‘you may as well just give up’ because you’ll ‘never be good enough’, or, you’re ‘too old’, and we’re all ‘doomed anyway’ so why bother? No good feelings seem to come out of that 30 minutes.

The news right now is horrible. A brief look at your favourite news site in the morning is enough to make you feel ill. Going onto instagram and seeing hundreds of people tell you how bad the state of the world is on top of that… it’s A LOT. A brief moment of nervous system dysregulation from the news can quickly escalate into a full-blown panic attack when amplified by social media.

When bad news hammers you over the head repeatedly, it doesn’t leave you better equipped to handle it. In my experience it just leaves you stressed out, checked out and sad—drowning in a sea of doom and anxiety.

Maybe that’s why I miss the old Instagram so much—before it became another source of anxiety. Back in the golden age of Instagram, shall we call it life BR (Before Reels), my Instagram was a thriving creative, positive community. Or it felt like that anyway.

To be completely fair, the shadows were evident back then—an unease lurking just below consciousness, suggesting that perhaps life on Instagram wasn’t quite the ideal we held it to be. A rip tide amidst calm waters—just waiting to strike. There was always an undercurrent—subtle comparisons, silent pressures—but it didn’t feel as relentless as it does now.

Sometime during life BR, I found out through the grapevine that some friends of mine were mocking me about my Instagram. Me—someone who is inordinately messy—showing up on Instagram with these images of perfection, order, and serenity. How they laughed at the irony. Ouch. The pang of shame was sharp and intense. Childhood memories of being told off for being messy, not good enough, not quite measuring up were quick to rear their ugly head.

They were right, of course. Behind the scenes I was (am) a mess. Life comes at you fast. It's hard to make sense of it. All the stuff, all the thoughts, it's chaotic. Being a human in the modern world is hard whatever your neurotype or levels of sensitivity. For the record, I would say that I’m more ordered now, but live with a family of fellow mess makers who seem intent on sabotaging my efforts at calm and orderly—Every. Single. Day.

In truth, the reason I took those photos, the images of serenity—lots of negative space, is that they made me feel calm. Still do. They bring space to my chaotic mind. Creating those pictures, creating that grid, was art to me. A meditation of sorts.

It’s human nature to try and bring order to the chaos which reigns around us. The painter’s finished seascape hanging in a gallery started as a mess of colours on a palette. Creative beginnings are always messy, yet we rarely see the mess—the abandoned drafts, the mistakes, the doubts. Instagram presents the final masterpiece without the paint-stained hands.

You see, then, I know that what you see on Instagram isn’t real. It’s the highlights. The finished piece with none of the progress included. It’s confusing that Instagram still triggers comparison in me, even when logic tells me those feelings aren’t real.

Feelings aren’t linear though. Like the sea, sometimes you can be riding the wave—you’re in control. Then, without warning you’re wiped out by a massive wave. Before you know it your head's underwater—you’re struggling to breathe.

Comparison is a fact of life. Sometimes it’s a good thing, pushing you to improve. To try harder. Sometimes though, it’s too much—paralysing.

Social media is constantly changing, evolving into whatever comes next. How it performs is completely out of our control. What we can control however is how we react to it. If it’s making you feel like shit, then you get to walk away. Take a break. Rethink your relationship.

Yes, there may be FOMO, but I guarantee that the mere act of taking back control will empower you. And who knows where that newfound empowerment will take you.

When the wave wipes you out, you get to re-group, re-plan, and try again a different way. Sometimes you need to get out of the surf, dry off, and rest a while so you can come back stronger the next time.

Until next week.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend.

Becca x

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News & Updates

Do you live in or around the Cotswolds, or do you fancy a road trip.

Kay and I will be popping up at the awe inspiring studio of artist Philippa Jeffery (who’s home featured in A Home for All Seasons) for a Spring Gathering.

Come and join Kay and I for a day of creativity, connection and inspiration on the 2oth March.

Tickets will be released in a couple of weeks but you can register your interest here:

P.S  If you love Interiors and Seasonal Living then please consider purchasing our book, A Home for all Seasons.

If you have already purchased the book, firstly thank-you SO much for your support and secondly, we would love it if you would consider leaving a review?

Thank-you, Becca & Kay x

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